bitexxme

After almost 2 years I finally finished writing the novel I was working on!!!!!!! I spent the whole night awake finishing the last bit! I am waiting for Jess and Belinda to proof read and edit what they can so I can find a publisher... if anyone knows a publisher that I can go through please give me the info!!!!

So the story is about a female named Ella (Which will get changed when i am typing it up Ella sounds too close to Bella) She gets turned into a vampire on her way home from work one day against vampire law... The vampire that turned her leaves her alone in the woods with no answers what so ever, so she turns to the world wide web to try to find others like her. Thats when she meets Raven who decides to help her along the way. He tells Ella that her sire went against their laws to change her and leaving her alone to fend for herself and that she can get revenge on him. So she goes out hunting for her sire. The book has humor and romance in it, it is a pg13 kind of novel.

I will post it up on live journal when I type it up but it will be chapter my chapter so if you wanna read it tell me and i will give you my live journal link and you can read it but check back alot for updates!!!!!!!

All my friends are already aware of my disease.... and at least 4 or 5 of those friends see how it tears me up emotionally.... I have PCOS, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It is one of the leading causes for women not to be able to get pregnant. But other than that horrible factor it causes cancer! It makes me grow hair where women should not be growing hair(Face, chest, stomach, back, ect...)! It causes obesity and it is almost impossible to get rid of that weight. It can cause Diabetes but right now I am only insulin resistant. It caused my liver to get fatty. And since it wasn't caught as soon as it developed my body formed itself like a male's body.

I had it since I had hit puberty at 12 but it went un-detected until I was 15. One of my best friends was there for me when I first started having to deal with all the side effects. No teenager should have to nair their face every other day in fear of having something else be made fun of. I just wanted to be a normal teenager but that wasn't the case.. I was harrassed so bad over things I had no control of caused by this disease that I just wanted to die.

Now, I am still dealing with the hardships of this disease, dealing with the hair.. the inablilaty to lose any weight and so on... I just don't know what to do.... are there any sort of funds or whatnot that would pay for lesser privlaged woman with PCOS to get laser hair removal on their face? I mean I get turned down left and right for Jobs I just need some help with this.. It is causing me heavy emotional distress...

I am at Ang's uncle's house sitting in the living room.. Just got done putting adderall up the nose... I know it is a bad habbit... but I have the RX for it, and it works faster when you snort it... Plus I would rather have it go up my nose and skip going through my liver that is already bad. If I take it orally then it would go through my liver.. And it is the only medicine I have been on that helps my ADHD. And I have been on alot of different meds for it.... So if you were in my shoes what would you do?

The message I would put in a fortune cookie would have to be one of my favorite quotes a friend wrote in my 10th grade yearbook. "Always aim for the moon, and if you fail and miss you will always land among the stars" I was 15 when she wrote that in my book. And now I am 22, I still use it to pep my friends up.

Ok.... so I am at my uncles house, I suddenly feel a lot better about the whole ditching Jeska, I don't need her fucking druggie ass to pull me down with her. I have better friends, ones that don't need to party with guys to get laid.

Soon, I am moving, either I am going to Forks permently, or I am moving to Australia, Yes, down under. Clint and I may be getting married. And I will be going to move with him, FAR FROM THE DRAMA THAT IS JESS.

I am so done with the bitch. She is childish! I threw all her shit out, and i want nothing more to do with her. I should have listened to Mela, well now I know the real "Jeska". She thinks she is god's gift to man kind. What a load of shit! She needs to grow up, keep a job, and stop using people. And she is "pregnant" like she is every other day to any guy she sleeps with. I could care less if she sees this, quite frankly I hope she does.

I have no internet at my house for right now. I am actually at work right now. I went to florida with Jess and her family and it was amazing. I basically quit macy's I just stopped showing up. They paid crappy, and worked me little to no hours a week.

I work at daignostics plus now. I get good hours, the pay is better than macy's but not the best ever. 8 bucks an hour is what I make here for sitting at a computer and talking on the phone. ^_^ but I am gonna go now.. I don't know when I will update next.

OMG OMG Today I am going to Florida with Jess's family. They invited me to go with them to Orlando for 10 days. But I am gonna go so I can get ready I will be posting while I am in Florida ^_^

I pre-wrote this at work, because it was very slow. What else can I do I mean no coustomers and nothing needs to be done. So I decided to write. I already wrote the new entry in my live Journal story "Her drug is" . So I figured I would write one for my Bitexxme account. XD

Well today I went to the doctor. And he gave me a perscription for adderol twice a day. Maybe now I will be able to settle my brain down and I can actually know what I am thinking.

But I love the feeling of Euphoria it gives me. It also causes weight-loss. Hey no complaints here. I don't mind losing all this weight.

I was told I have adult ADHD, where my brain never stops. But that is all for now things are picking up at work so I better get to it.

Doesn't anyone see what I am doing to myself? Apparently not! I have a bad liver yet they see me drinking vodka and the only one that said anything about it was my sister.... I snorted speed... I am fucking up and I know it... I am so drunk yet I shouldn't drink. The two I am talking about put so much fucking stress in my fucking life! Yet they don't ask how I am feeling! They ask each other what is wrong. But it is like I am invisible! I am the one that is hurting when they fight like that! There is no consideration for the fact that I need sleep when they are up until 5 fucking am fighting! I don't know how much more of it I can take before I go off the deep end!!!!!!

The first picture I see is, the picture of my cousin and his girl friend at the snow ball. It is my cousin's picture. And since he shares a room with me he has the right to hang pictures up as well as I.

What the picture means to me? Well really nothing. I mean I wasn't there so I can't say anything that happened that night. Or how fun it was. I guess the meaning it has for me is my cousin was happy then and still is.... kinda... he and his girl friend fight..... a lot!

I made a new live journal account. It is my newest project. I started it after a new person awoke in my head. It is her story so you all should check it out the link is http://herdrugis.livejournal.com/.

Tammy Hosterman: would you let the cig thing go... holy crap its no big deal and your making it that way.. it was a few cigs.. i mean geeze
Kendra Rudy: I am only making a big deal of it because YOU went through my room with out my permission. I am not happy about it I am pissed... not only me but Chris is pissed too this is his room too it would have been a different story if you 1.. would have woken me up or 2 if my cigarettes were out in a public room but you came in here while I was sleeping that is not acceptable!
Tammy Hosterman: kendra looking and not touching are 2 differant thinga all i did was look
Kendra Rudy: I dont care the point is you came into my room and looked around. I don't do that to you so I expect the same respect
Tammy Hosterman: i didnt touch anything except one cig.. woo hooo
Tammy Hosterman: ok so you never went into courtneys room with out permission
Kendra Rudy: that isnt the FUCKING point you were in my room with out my permission I dont fucking go in your room
Tammy Hosterman: yes you have are we mad no
Kendra Rudy: to sleep and yes I have had permission from the girls to sleep in their room when I am there
Tammy Hosterman: you know what n/m kendra .. sorry to bother you... omg your making a big deal out of nothing
Kendra Rudy: it is something you invaded my personal space!
Tammy Hosterman: im trying to talk and you wanna fight
Kendra Rudy: i am not the only one that is pissed about it
Kendra Rudy: Chris is peeved too
Tammy Hosterman: how you were there and i respected you cause you were sleeping.. that would have been rude to wake you us
Tammy Hosterman: i give him smokes all the time .. he hass no reason to be mad
Kendra Rudy: no that would have been right to wake me up and ask for a cigarette or to have asked if I took yours
Kendra Rudy: you went into our room with out our permission!
Tammy Hosterman: i was told you were sick and needed your sleep
Kendra Rudy: YOU STILL WENT INTO OUR ROOM WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION
Tammy Hosterman: you took my cigs with out my permission
Tammy Hosterman: so were fair
Kendra Rudy: they were in a open public space
Kendra Rudy: I wouldnt have went into your room and took them while you were sleeping
Tammy Hosterman: and that gives you that right to take???????/ they were not yours to take
Kendra Rudy: it was a fucking mistake I thought you were giving me cigarettes to help gram with kaylynn
Kendra Rudy: and gram agrees with me she said it wasnt right for you to do it
Tammy Hosterman: kendra just drop it... they were mine you shouldnt have taken them ... and i wouldnt have had to go in your room
Kendra Rudy: it isntr my fault you werent smart enough to remember to take your smokes with you
Tammy Hosterman: i bet you told gram i went threw everything and mssed up your room cause your good at making up shit
Kendra Rudy: i thought they were payment for me helping with kaylynn
Tammy Hosterman: ok what ever
Kendra Rudy: you cant get something for nothing you didnt offer to give gram anything for watching kaylynn
Kendra Rudy: you know gram has to sleep for work but that didnt matter to you ashley had school and pap work so that kinda left me the only other option! so I thought you knew that and were giving me cigarettes. I admit that was my mistake in thinking you would give me anything. but that still gave you no right whatsoever to invade my privacy and go in my room
Tammy Hosterman: ok this is you uncle curt. this is done you need to grow up.. its gram and paps house you do go in anyone room and do what ever you want , well im sorry the world dont revolve around kendra. this is done you lie and make up to much shit.
Tammy Hosterman: when you get your own place then we will talk about your personal space
Kendra Rudy: gram is the one saying she had no right! I dont go into peoples room and take there shit... you need to tell your bitch girlfriend not to bother coming into my room again! Gram said this was me and Chris's personal space!
Tammy Hosterman: gram isnt the one running her mouth about it still you are and you are the one who took something.
Kendra Rudy: and I dont go into everyones room whenever I want I ask gram and I ask ashley... so are you saying I should ask to use the bathroom and the office phone too? I already talked to gram about it and she said it wasnt right either
Tammy Hosterman: and the only one being a bitch is you
Kendra Rudy: and GRAM said that tami didnt have the right to go into my room and that is from gram's mouth! I am only being a bitch because she went into my room while I was sleeping... I have been having problems with nightmares you can ask anyone now I cant sleep with out Kristen giving me one of her sleeping pills because it feels like every time I sleep that someone is in my room. That wouldn't have happened if she wouldn't have come in or wake me up when she was in here.
Tammy Hosterman: you are so full of shit
Kendra Rudy: I am not wanna talk to Chris or Kristen they are here right now and they have wittnessed it
Kendra Rudy: or wanna ask gram about my nightmares? She has heard about them and seen how they have fucked me up
Kendra Rudy: I am a mess now because of it
Kendra Rudy: but go ahead dont believe me I have an appointment to go take the sleep test at the hospital because of them. I was already at the doctors about the nightmares. I aint making the shit up because if I was making it up I wouldnt have went to the doctors for it
Tammy Hosterman: kendra its over grow up
Kendra Rudy: I am grown up I was being mature about it I told tami i took the cigarettes, and I let her know that I wasnt happy about being in the room. I wasnt being mean or a bitch about it. But then she told me that she could do what she wanted and when she wanted... and there wasnt anything that I could fucking do about it.. now that doesnt sound grown up to me. I was being mature about it up until she really pissed me off and I showed gram the messages too and she agrees with me

my uncles gf is such a bitch she expects me my sister and my gram to watch her girl with out pay and the other day she left half a pack of cigarettes here so i thought she left them here for me well it turns out she didnt and she was pissed that they were gone... I was sleeping and i kinda could hear everything that was going on around me and I heard her come into my room which i share with my cousin. She started to go through our things and then got into my purse took five dollars and my last cigarette that my cousin had left for me. I messaged her on myspace and let her know that i wasnt happy and stuff.. I was being mature about it then she replies to me. "I can do what i want and when i want there isn't a fukin thing you can do about it.... GROW THE HELL UP" that is what she said word for word.. so tell me who is being childish about it?


I would have understood if she asked me for the cigarette or if she took it if it was out laying in a family room but no she went into MY room and went through MY purse to get it and take money from me.

It is almost 7 am I have been up since 5 am .. I will be going back to sleep here soon because I took my cough medicine that makes me hallucinate! I think I may Be allergic to it seeing as how I get sick, get cold sweats and have nightmares when I take it. But it is the only hope I have to not be coughing up a lung. I just got over pneumonia and it sucks!

I miss Jess she is in Pittsburgh with her dad, I hope she comes back soon I miss her. She is my wife lmao just kidding. But now I am going back to bed I just felt the need to post a new journal entry. Love ya all!

Ok on Tuesday I went to the doctors for tendentious problems. So a doctor there that I never see gives me Celebrex.. well........ it says not to take if you have liver problems...... I HAVE A BAD LIVER it is in my records. And it also says do not take if you are allergic to aspirin. I am allergic to that too! I am so fucking pissed... I will deal with my pain if it means to kill me to get rid of it Jesus! I think I am gonna have that doctor sued!

I have been playing the game so much that I think I understand their language.... not only that but I have started to talk to my friends about the different sims as if they were real people O_O.... I think I may need some help.

To: Jenna, Jess, Chris, Kristen, Shana, Mela, Ashley S, my sister, James, Belinda, Jayson, Matt, AJ, Ariana, Greg, Elyse, and who ever I may have forgot.

Thank you all for being here for me. I know I can be a pain in the but sometimes, and a little emo >_> but it is you guys that make me all better. Even if some of you are really hott but extremely gay *sigh**cough*Greg*cough*. We have been through hard times, and REALLY fun times... like.... sliding in a plastic pond down Jess's icy drive way... not smart but fun as hell!

Yea I know I haven't posted anything in a while... so I am updating now. 10 days ago I saw evanescence in concert. It was amazing. I screamed so much I lost my voice for three days. I caught a pick that the lead guitarist threw into the crowd so I am happy about that. Just last week my cousin Christian moved in so we are sharing a room. It is fun living with him. He pierced my Monroe for me and I love it. But right now that is all I have for now. So bye bye.

The band, Evanescence, has been around for quite a few years now. Their tune was inspired by Nine Inch Nails, and that was what lead singer Amy Lee had said in many of her interveiws. Their first store sold album, Fallen, was on the top 10 for at least 2 months in a row. The song that made them famous was "Bring me to life". Now they have two more albums out, Anywhere but Home was their live concert in Paris, France. And now "The Open Door". In My oppinion, no other band can touch them. But that isn't everyone's veiw. Just because I am a die-hard Evanescence fan doesn't make them everyone else's favorite.




I have brought it upon myself to interview a few people, on their views and oppinions of the band. Brian, 21 of State College PA says "They could be a little harder, but i enjoy the piano songs a lot" Though they never claimed to be a hard rock band, a few other's may feel the same as Brian. But even though they aren't his type of music, he says Lithium, from the album "The Open Door" is his favorite song they have made and he also declared that a song has helped him through some hard times "My Imortal, it kinda helped remind me to take care of myself cause i worry too much about someone else so much (ex-gf)" Is his exact words. Another person I have interveiwed said something similar of the same song. Nicki Gregorey, 22, Il. Said "Well the song my immortal reminds me of my past, it makes me cry cause i lost loved ones" I think that many people have the same oppinon or at least very close. In my experiance, the song "My Immortal" makes me think of my father that died when I was 10 years old. Since I heard that song five years ago, I listen to it on his birthday, and the day he died.

Some are hardcore fans like me but I know, and they know, not everyone shares the same opinion. Some only listen to their music when they don't know what else to listen to. Like Amber, 19 from PA "I sometime listen to them when i have nothing else to listen to. or when i want to listen to something else" She said when I interviewed her. And there are people who think the band will come to trouble like they have in the past. Jake 18 from Australia says "Amy Lee is a minx, there will always be trouble." Then he also said, "They have had to put the band on hold mulitple times Due to Amylee, if its happened before, its bound to happen" All I can say to that is... I hope not.

This concluded my artical on Evanescence. Thank you for reading. I would appriciate comments on how I did, this is my first time writing an artical. Any comments on how I can do better are welcome.